


Incorrect CIBVOC

by Quickil



Series: Clad In Black (And Various Other Colors) [8]
Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Bisexual Character, Crack, Funny, Furry, Gen, Humor, I'm probably the only person who finds this entertaining, I'm really just self indulging with this, LGBTQ Character, Pansexual Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2021-04-12
Packaged: 2021-04-17 14:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 67
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21727678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quickil/pseuds/Quickil
Summary: CIBVOC as Tumblr text posts. That's it....I'm not sorry.
Series: Clad In Black (And Various Other Colors) [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1199962
Kudos: 1





	1. Who Broke It?

**Zira: ** So..who broke it? I’m not mad, I just wanna know.

**Ruger: ** I did. I bro-

**Zira: ** No. No you didn’t. Ajax?

**Ajax:** Don’t look at me. Look at Rino.

**Rino: ** What? I didn’t break it.

**Ajax: ** That’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?

**Rino:** Cause it’s sitting right in front of us,  _ and it’s broken. _

**Ajax:** _suspicious._

**Rino:** No it’s not!

**Ruger: ** Ok let’s not fight I broke it let me pay for it, Zira.

**Zira:** No! Who broke it?!

**Everyone: ** …

**Ajax: ** Zira, Kyla’s been awfully quiet.

**Kyla: ** REALLY

**Zira, to camera: ** I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now they’ll be at each other’s throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.


	2. Connecting The Dots

**Ajax:** I've connected the dots.

**Rino: ** You haven’t connected SHIT.

**Ajax: ** I've connected them!


	3. Espresso Beans

**Kyla:** I feel like it's been awhile since we talked. How are you doing?

**Zira: ** Well I ran out of chocolate covered espresso beans last night so that sucked.

**Zira: ** Then I realized you can get the same result by eating a handful of coffee beans and then a handful of chocolate chips so that was cool.

**Kyla:**

**Kyla: ** ZIRA I SWEAR FOR THE LOVE OF-


	4. Rocks

**Rino: **I've been spending a lot of time and am currently living with two deadly assassins. Should I, an innocent civilian, be at all worried for my safety?

**Ajax: **Hey, what do you think would happen if I eat this rock?

**Zira: **I'll give you five dollars if you do it.

**Rino: **This seems fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea posting this one a day early. I'm gonna be busy tomorrow.


	5. Mistlefoe

**Zira:** We're putting up mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you'll have to fight whoever is under it!

**Ajax:** SOMEONE'S HALLS ARE GETTING DECKED!

**Kyla and Rino:** NO!!!

**Zira and Ajax: ** MISTLEFOE!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea I know this one is also a day early, but I'm traveling tomorrow.
> 
> Merry Christmas everyone!


	6. In the Group Chat

*In a group chat*

**Kyla:** She was poetry, but he couldn’t read.

**Ajax:** His name was Jared, he was nineteen.

**Zira:** When his parents built a very strange machine.

**Ruger:** Watch that scene, diggin’ the dancing queen.

**Zira: ** AYYYY MACARENA!

**Rino:** Horrible job, everyone.


	7. Back From The Store

**Rino:** I’m back from the grocery store!

**Ajax: ** *trying to stop the flood of bubbles he made by filling the dishwasher with 50 liters of bubble bath*

**Ruger:** *stuck on the ceiling and crying loudly while holding three cats and a gecko*

**Zira: ** *Frantically trying to get Ruger down while yelling at Ajax how to fix the dishwasher*

**Rino: ** *turns around and leaves*


	8. Bohemian Rhapsody

**Ruger, absentmindedly singing while playing around with a VPN: **Mama… just killed a man

**Kyla, mumbling along from where she is sitting on the couch reading a book: **Put a gun against his head. Pulled my trigger now he’s dead.

**Ajax, sharpening a knife: **Mama… life had just begun, but now I’ve gone and thrown it all away.

**Zira, sliding across the floor on her knees: **M A M A - 

**Everyone: **OooOOooh-

**Zira: **DIDN’T MEAN TO MAKE YOU CRY! IF I’M NOT BACK AGAIN THIS TIME TOMORROW-

**Ajax, staring into the void: **carry on, carry on,

**Everyone, muttering: **as if nothing really matters… 

  
  


**Rino, who just entered the room: **W h a t t h e h e l l


	9. Do I look Nice?

**Ajax:** Do I look nice?

**Rino: ** You look like your about to set someone on fire.

**Ajax: ** Perfect.


	10. Guns Up My Sleeves

**Zira:** Don’t worry, I’ve got a few guns up my sleeves.

**Rino: **Don’t you mean tricks?

**Ajax:** She does not.

**Zira, pulling Whipper and Snapper from her sleeves:** I do not.


	11. Idiots

**Rino: ** *sees a group of people do something stupid*

**Rino: ** God, what idiots.

**Rino: ** *realizes its the rest of the CIBVOC squad*

**Rino: ** Wait those are MY idiots


	12. Muggy

**Ajax: ** Wow! It sure is muggy out there today.

**Kyla: ** If I go out there, and all of our mugs are on the lawn, I'm moving out.

**Ajax: ** *Sips coffee from a bowl*


	13. Motivation

**Zira: ** How do people stay motivated their entire lives? What drives you? I got out of bed once and I've been exhausted ever since.

**Ajax, sipping a Capri Sun: ** You need to learn to hate life to the point where you want to get revenge on existence itself.


	14. Take Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely forgot to post last weekend. My bad lol.

**Rino:** What does ‘take out’ mean to you?

**Kyla: ** Food.

**Ruger:** Dating.

**Zira: ** Murder.

**Ajax: ** All three if your bold enough.

**Rino: ** *sighs*


	15. Stuck

**Rino: ** How did this even happen?

**Ruger, stuck in a trashcan:** How does anything happen?


	16. Leader, Not a Follower

**Rino:** So if you’re friends tell you to jump off a cliff, will you do it too?

**Ajax: ** Of course not!

**Ajax:** If my friends are jumping off a cliff it’s probably my idea.

**Ajax: ** I’m a leader, not a follower.


	17. Strength

**Kyla: ** You know what strength is? Forgiving a person who wasn’t even sorry.

**Zira: ** Not to be dramatic, but I would literally rather die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wash your hands an stay safe from COVID19


	18. Pep Talk

**Ruger: ** Who’s turn is it to give the pep-talk?

**Zira:** *sighing* Ajax’s.

**Ajax: ** Fuck shit up out there, and don’t die.

**Ruger: ** Inspirational.


	19. Asserting Dominance

**Zira: ** *screaming*

**Ajax: ** *screaming*

**Rino: ** What in the name of God are they doing?!

**Kyla, drinking tea: ** Asserting their dominance.


	20. What Do You Hate Most in Life?

**Ajax: ** What do you hate most in life?

**Ruger:** Nothing in this mortal plane shall ever rival my deep, never ending, fathomless hatred for Furbys.

**Ruger: ** Everytime I see or hear one, I want to drive my car off a highway overpass and into a shopping mall. I long for the day that I can burn that company to the ground and raze the Earth upon which it was built. Someday I will have my revenge. Someday.

**Ajax: **

**Ruger: ** I also hate onions.


	21. Feelings Mutual

**Zira:** If anyone hurt you, I'd hunt them down to the ends of the Earth.

**Ajax: ** On your word, I would kill every person in this room without a second thought.

**Rino:** You know normal people don't say these things to each other, right?


	22. A Calculated Risk

**Ajax:** I calculated the risks.

**Kyla: ** You literally passed out from blood loss!

**Ajax: ** I never said I was good at math!


	23. Chasm of Existential Crisis

**Zira:** Remember ten minutes ago when I had a purpose in life and was happy?

**Ruger: ** Are you okay?

**Zira:** I just tripped and fell down a chasm of existential crisis.

**Ruger:**

**Zira:** It happens every once in a while lol.

**Ruger:**

**Zira:** It’ll pass.


	24. Social Distancing

**Ajax: ** “social distancing”

**Ajax: ** Boring. Basic. Tired. Overused.

**Ajax: ** “Retreating to the caves to cultivate in isolation”

**Ajax: ** Mysterious. Badass. Kind of sexy.

*in the background*

**Ruger: ** AJAX WE’RE OUT OF OREOS!

**Ajax: ** fUCK-


	25. Feral and Unhinged

_ *loud noise* _

**Ajax: ** ME AND ZIRA ARE THE ONLY FERAL AND UNHINGED THINGS IN THIS HOUSE SO WHATEVER YOU ARE, YOU MUST LEAVE. THIS IS OUR TERRITORY. GOOD DAY, SIR.”


	26. Catcall

**Zira, walking down the street:**

**Catcaller:** Hey there baby! Nice hips!

**Zira, stopping and making direct eye contact: ** Sir, I’ll ask you to not so much as look in my direction ever again, or else I’m afraid I’ll have to feed your liver to a bird.

**Catcaller:**

**Zira, walking again: ** Have a lovely day!


	27. Pillowfort

**Rino: ** Uh...What are you doing?

**Ruger:** Building a pillowfort!

**Rino:** Isn't that a little childish?

**Ruger:** Does that mean you don't want to join me?

**Rino:**

**Rino: ** ...

**Rino:** ...move over.

_ *Later* _

**Ruger, sipping hot chocolate:** This is fun!

**Rino, swaddled in blankets and pillows:** ...Not a word of this to Zira and Ajax, do you understand?

**Rino:** ...

**Rino: ** But yea this is really fun.


	28. "Married"

**Ajax:** Alright, so you and I are married.

**Zira:** We are not married.

**Ajax:** Relax, it's just pretend.

**Zira:** I don't want to pretend.

**Ajax:** Scared you'll like it?

**Zira:** Okay, if we're married, I want a divorce.

**Rino:** Are you two like this all the time?

**Ruger: ** Yes, they are.


	29. Friends With Benefits

**Zira: ** I used to think that 'Friends With Benefits' were people who platonically got married for tax reasons.

**Zira:** In other news I probably should have realized I was asexual earlier than I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its officially pride month! I've got a few pride related chapters waiting to be published.


	30. 'Teams'

**Rino, heterosexual:** I play for the other team.

**Ajax, bisexual: ** I play for all teams.

**Ruger, pansexual: ** I play regardless of teams.

**Zira, asexual:** I don't play.

**Kyla, aromantic, completely oblivious and planting daisies nearby: ** Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower Flower

  
  
  



	31. Card Games

_ *playing cards* _

**Kyla: ** *shows card* Ace of spades.

**Zira, slamming down an Uno card:** +4 BITCHES!

**Ruger, drawing a Pokemon card:** Pikachu! I choose you!!!

**Ajax, pushing out two Magic the Gathering cards:** Alright. I'm going to tap my two swamps and play my meandering river card to cast magic missile at Ruger's diamond axe.

**Ruger: ** Crap.

**Rino, clutching fifteen mismatched cards:** WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD ARE WE PLAYING?

**Kyla, drawing from a stack of Monopoly cards:** You need to be an immediate member of the assassin team to understand.

**Kyla to Zira: ** Go fish.

**Rino:**


	32. Adulthood

**Zira:** I used to think that adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong.

**Kyla: ** That’s Great, Zira!

**Zira:** I now realize that adulthood is multiple crises, concurrently, all of the time, forever.


	33. Power

**Zira, after downing three whole pots of coffee: ** I am unimaginably powerful. I can see through time. I haven't slept in four whole days but who needs sleep when you're on a higher plane of existence. The beans are in my soul, they are in my heart. I AM the beans. Soon I will vibrate at the harmonic resonance of the universe and transcend.

**Kyla: ** *sips tea*


	34. I See You

_ *phone rings* _

**Ajax, picking up:** Hello?

**Anonymous Person:** I see you.

**Ajax:**

**Anonymous:**

**Ajax:** Do I look good?


	35. Tasty Surprise!

**Ajax, injured and bleeding out:** If I die, put popcorn kernels in my body.

**Kyla, stitching him: ** Why?

**Ajax:** Have my body cremated and leave the funeral home a fun yet tasty surprise!

**Kyla, pausing:**

**Kyla:** No.


	36. FOUR MONTHS

**Ruger: ** FOUR MONTHS

**Kyla:** What's he talking about?

**Ajax: ** It's not that big of a deal

**Ruger: ** YOU STOOD BY AND WATCHED ME WATER A FAKE PLANT FOR  _ FOUR _ MONTHS!


	37. Social Interaction

**Zira, shining a flashlight under a bed: ** Ruger, Rino…? Are you ready to come out and interact with people?

**Ruger and Rino: ** *demonic screeching*

**Zira, shrugging: ** That's understandable, have a good day.


	38. Brain Helmet

**Kyla:** So Ajax, tell me what happened.

**Ajax: ** I was reading an encyclopedia and I tripped or "fell over" and hit my head or "brain helmet".

**Zira: ** Yeah, he sneezed and smacked his head against the wall.

**Kyla: ** That sounds about right.


	39. Yeet Off the Next Exit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a few days late.
> 
> Whoopsie daisy

**Ajax, giving directions:** Okay, your going to yeet off the next exit-

**Rino, driving: ** I'm going to w h a t

**Ajax:** Hey! Why the fuck are you slowing down? I said  _ 'yeet' _ not 'be a little bitch'!

**Rino: ** ...

**Ajax:** Fucking step on it! In this house we either drive fast or die hard!

**Rino: ** !!!

**Ajax, grabbing the wheel, a dangerous light glowing in his eyes:** yIPPEE KI-YAY MOTHERFUCKERS-

**Rino: ** aJAX-


	40. I'LL FIGHT THEM!

**Kyla:** Get down from there!

**Ajax, at the top of a tall tree:** No!

**Kyla: ** I'm going to call the police!

**Ajax:** Go ahead! I'LL FIGHT THEM!

**Kyla, shaking a bag of cookies like cat treats:** I have cookies.

**Ajax, getting down and snatching the bag:** I totally would've fought them.

**Kyla, sighing:** I know.


	41. FOR THE GLORY

**Ajax, speeding down several hills on a ride-along car he stole from a kid: ** FOR THE GLORY!!!!! *flips over*


	42. Thot Swatter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is late

**Zira: ** _ *Hitting Ajax with a Fly Swatter everytime he tries to hit on someone at the bar* _

**Ajax: ** STOP HITTING ME WITH THE DAMN FLY SWATTER!

**Zira:** It's not a Fly Swatter.

**Zira: ** It's a Thot Swatter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually made the Thot Swatter canon in this series a while back. You may remember it from 'Late Night Run-Ins"!
> 
> I also created this lovely comic featuring it:  
http://aminoapps.com/p/mcz7fx


	43. What Do You Bring to the Team?

**Kyla:** So what do you all bring to the team?

**Zira:** I'm the sharpshooter.

**Ajax: ** I can go unseen.

**Ruger: ** I'm the tech genius.

**Rino: ** I make good life decisions.

**Kyla: ** _ That's not really... _

**Ajax:** No, trust us. He's our most important member.


	44. Time Management

**Ruger, to Rino: ** Today, Zira cried for five or six minutes, and then her phone alarm went off and she just… stopped crying and went back to work…

**Zira, walking by: ** That's called time management, bitch.


	45. Have You Ever Fallen in Love?

* * *

**Ajax: ** Ruger, have you ever fallen in love~?

**Ruger: ** I can't even fall asleep.


	46. A Truly Important Job

**Ruger, angrily: ** ARE YOU-

**Ajax:** Fucking

**Ruger: -** KIDDING ME!!!???

**Kyla:** What in the name of the Guardians was that?

**Ajax:** Ruger can not legally say 'Fuck' so I volunteered to say it for him.

**Zira: ** I think you just like saying 'Fuck'.

**Ajax:** That doesn't make my job less important.


	47. Comfort Level

**Ruger:** I got a massage recently. I went into the room to get the massage and the woman there told me to undress to my comfort level. Those were her words. She said “I’m going to leave the room, you undress to your comfort level.”

**Ruger: ** So I put on a sweater and a pair of corduroy pants and I felt safe.


	48. FASTER

**Kyla, while playing capture the flag: ** Are you upset you don't get to be on the same team as Zira?

**Ajax:** Have you ever played a game with Zira?

**Kyla: ** No.

**Ajax: ** Have you ever gone into a steel cage with a wolverine?

**Zira, yelling at Rino:** FASTER FASTER FASTER FASTER. DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT WORD? IT MEANS MORE FAST!


	49. Lying

**Kyla:** You said you had nothing to do with that prank. Are you lying to us?

**Ajax: ** That depends on how you define lying.

**Rino:** Well I define it as not telling the truth. How do you define it?

**Ajax: ** Reclining your body in a horizontal position.

**Kyla:**

**Rino:**

**Ajax:**

**Kyla: ** You’re grounded.

**Ajax: ** Absolutely. I definitely deserved that one.


	50. How Dumb?

**Zira** : C’mon! How dumb do they think we are?

**Ajax: ** Sometimes Rino leaves me pictures of food instead of a shopping list.


	51. Calculations

**Ajax: ** I can do calculations so fast!

**Rino: ** Okay, what’s 534x256

**Ajax: ** 620

**Rino: ** Not even close.

**Ajax:** But it was fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early post because I'm taking the SAT tomorrow


	52. Self Elf

**Ruger:** Did you know that you can’t spell ‘self’ without 'elf’?

**Rino: ** What does that even mean?

**Ruger:** I don’t know but it cheered me up earlier!


	53. What?

**Zira: ** Ajax, we need to talk about-

**Ajax: ** The building was already on fire when I got here.

**Zira: ** What?

**Ajax: ** What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I keep forgetting what day of the week it is...


	54. News

**Ajax: ** Breaking news, turns out I'm a dumbass.

**Zira: ** That's not even dent-making news. We already know you are.


	55. "Cat"

**Zira, tired AF: ** Woah, that's a fat fucking cat.

**Ajax: ** Zira, that's a racoon.

**Zira:** I'm taking it home.


	56. Worth

**Kidnapper: ** We have your partner! Give us fifty thousand and she lives!

**Zira: ** Oh come on, seriously!!!!?

**Ajax, over the phone: ** Zira, I swear to god-

**Zira: ** Let's be real. I'm worth like five bucks, a bag of burnt fries, and maybe a stick of gum.

**Zira: ** Fifty k is a bit generous there bud.

**Kidnapper:**

**Ajax: **


	57. Frisbee

**Ajax: ** Does anyone else ever get the urge to play frisbee with the dinner plates?

**Rino:**


	58. What a Day

**Zira: ** Fuckity doo da

**Zira: ** Fuckity day

**Zira: ** My oh my what

**Zira: ** *takes a deep breath* a HORRIBLE DAY

**Zira: ** *bangs head against the wall repeatedly

**The Rest of the CIBVOC Squad:**


	59. 'Girl's Drink'

* _ in a bar* _

**Ajax, mockingly: ** "tHaT's A gIrL's DrInK"

**Ajax: ** Okay shitface. Go enjoy your 5% alcohol overpriced bread flavored bullshit.

**Ajax: ** I'M drinking a fruit smoothie that'll have me hammered beyond recognition in fifteen minutes. We'll see who's laughing then asshole.


	60. LIED to

**Ajax: ** Rino went to the grocery store and said that he'd get me cherries but instead he got me grapes and I HATE grapes so I poured some of the grapes down the ice dispenser so when he goes to get ice he'll be LIED to like I was.

_ *Later* _

**Ajax: ** GUESS WHO GOT CHERRIES!!!


	61. Showbiz

**Zira: ** Kyla was making dinner and accidentally dropped the steak.

**Zira: ** Without pause I turned toward her and said 'Whoops now its ground beef!'

**Zira: ** Kyla didn't laugh or seem amused in the slightest but that's showbiz baby.


	62. Live Fast, Die Young

**Kyla: ** And do you have any advice, Ajax?

**Ajax: ** Live fast. Die young. Leave a sexy corpse. 

**Kyla:**

**Kyla:** And my advice is to never follow Ajax's advice.


	63. Flirt

**Zira: ** Sorry I called you 'a fucking idiot', I was only trying to flirt.


	64. Screenshot

**Ajax: ** What happens if you press the break and accelerator at the same time?

**Zira: ** The car takes a screenshot.


	65. Mixed Messages

**Ajax:** Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

**Ajax: ** Next time you're working out, do 15 pushups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex's house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

**Ruger: ** There were so many mixed messages in that I can't-


	66. Birthday Cake

**Ajax: ** Rino! Look! I made you a cake for your birthday!!!

**Rino: ** ...oh?

**Ajax, presenting a horrible looking cake: ** Yeah look! It has all of us as marshmallow people! See? There's Kyla and Ruger and Zira and Me!

**Ajax: ** And that's you! You're crossing your arms because you're annoyed by all the other marshmallows. Do you like it?

**Rino, choking up: ** I-it's fine.


	67. Aux Cord

**Ajax:** Can I please have the aux cord?

**Rino: ** No.

**Ajax: ** Oh come on! Why not?

**Kyla:** Last time all you played was the Mii Theme.

**Ajax: ** I swear I won't this time! I'll play normal music!

**Rino:**

**Kyla:**

**Rino:** Fine.

**Ajax:** *takes the aux cord*

**Ajax: ** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRIfsFefatg


End file.
